One Year

It has been one year, 365 days since we lost our Mohican.

Oh so much has happened, but things are well. We know you’re watching and you’re happy with your request being fulfilled, that should anything happen to you, he takes care of her.

He is. They are happy, but you are terribly missed.

We can’t see you, but we know you are there.

We have our “memorials” today for you. It’s amazing that it has been a full year when sometimes it seems like it was yesterday, and other times it seems as though several years have passed. It’s strange how the flow of time works.

Until then, our love forever.


Everything’s Alright

You would have loved this

Freedom of the Press

Just because I voted for Trump over Clinton does not mean I refuse to acknowledge when the man is wrong. I wasn’t even a Trump supporter. I just chose him over Clinton.

I can admit when the person I voted for has seriously fucked up.

And Trump is doing some serious fucking up.

For starters, I have HEARD (this is hearsay) that ICE is going door to door in some cities, looking for illegals. In doing so, they are knocking on the doors of legal citizens and asking who lives there, etc.

This is a direct violation of the fourth amendment. We are *supposed* to be protected from unlawful searches and seizures (although ask anybody who has dealt with the police before and they’ll tell you that they don’t really care about the fourth amendment either) and any official (yes, even CPS) that knocks on your door asking for ID’s, information and to look around without probable cause is directly violating it.

Now onto Trump banning CNN.

I hate CNN. They’re a horrible news organization, and they are part of the reason so many didn’t take election night seriously. They are the reason everybody thought Clinton was sure to win. They didn’t investigate. They didn’t accurately poll and ask the public’s opinions. They created their own narrative, that she was winning, that she would win. However, we have a little thing called freedom of the press, and the only reason he does not want them there is because they basically make him look bad. Which I have said about all presidents, if you aren’t doing anything bad, why not speak to the press? As much as CNN sucks, they have as much right to be there as Fox News, or even slate. So again here, is a direct violation of the constitution.
This is twice that he has purposely and willingly ignored America’s constitutional rights, and that is not cool at all.

This among other things, is leading me to make the call now.

He will last two years max.

Within two to three years, you will see President Pence.

Mark my words.

I tried giving him a chance. I tried giving him the benefit of the doubt, that maybe he could be a good president, but he has definitely shown otherwise.

And I am adult enough to admit when I may have made a mistake in my choices. Not that Clinton would be any better.

Pence will though.

If Trump lasts a full term, it will shock me.

The Recluse I have become

I don’t ever leave my house.

Perhaps rather, I should say, I rarely leave my house. I do walk my children to school and walk them back home. Sometimes I walk to the grocery store and post office to get food or get my mail.

Aside from that, I go nowhere. In fact, yesterday was the first time I have left my house for a neighboring town in over a month. I had no choice but to go there (We were out of a product, and I had to call a cab to take me to get that product.).

I don’t see myself leaving to go anywhere in the immediate future (that involves leaving my small town).

I don’t know what happened. I suppose the depression and anxiety of the past year finally took it’s ultimate toll and came to a head. Leaving my immediate vicinity causes quite a lot of stress in me. In the cab yesterday, my anxiety was through the roof and I nearly had a panic attack. Thankfully, the cab driver did not speed or do anything reckless. I explained to them about my being a recluse. They seemed to understand and did their best to keep me from “freaking out.’

I don’t think it fully is that I am “afraid” to leave, however, I would be lying if I said that wasn’t part of it. I do fear leaving. There are many types of people out there that I do not trust, but it’s also, I see no point in leaving. I don’t feel a need to go out, party and have a good time when I have enough of a good time here.  I have all I need here. I have my gaming systems, my laptop, my family, food, water, etc. There’s nothing out there I need and even then when I do need something, I can always order it online where it will be delivered to my town.

I never saw myself becoming a recluse at the age I have. Most of the time, this doesn’t happen to people until they hit a higher age than I am.

But it has happened.

And I am okay with that.

No, I’m just fine with that.

The next time I see myself leaving this town will be when I leave it for good. We are discussing moving to Colorado (Brush, Colorado, to be exact.). Myself and those friends and family members that have stuck around, and in my house for the past couple of years have all realized we hate the area we are in. Too much bad has happened here and we believe it is time for a fresh start elsewhere. Somewhere that isn’t here.

Maybe then I’ll break out of my shell. Maybe then I’ll stop being reclusive. I know it’s annoying certain people, but it’s just something they will have to deal with.

The upside through all of this is I certainly get a lot of work done.

Money has been returned!

If you’re thinking that dude actually paid me back, you’re wrong. My tax return has come in and that amount includes what was stolen from me.

Sometimes life is sweet.

Now is time to put that money to good use (unlike the “True love” excuse dude used it for). Eventually, I will figure out who to help with it.

I have been too busy to update anything, but things are well. I’m pushing one year since the worst year of my life started (Death after death after death) and today, I broke out a gift that was given to me by one of the people who have passed on (our “Mohican”).

He gave me the DVD miniseries “North and South” a few birthdays ago, and I never have got the chance to sit down and watch it all. Now, I have seen it before, but I was a child and truly, as a child, this movie is quite the bore. So far, I’m enjoying it. Today will be a lazy day. I will do nothing but sit on the couch and watch the movie.

You should be here for that, Mohican.

Although perhaps you still are. Perhaps you are looking over my shoulder as I type this.

In that case, thank you for everything, and I am sorry you weren’t chosen from the beginning. It should have been you.

But you knew that.

Until we meet again.



Jail reform

This past weekend a person I knew was picked up on a failure to appear (ever forget? Happened to them) and a DUI. Strangely enough, the person had not drunk enough to go over the limit, and a “careless driving” charge was tacked on as well. A cop friend of mine said that “careless driving” is one big catchall. If the cop saw you swerve without crossing the lines, he could tack that charge on without a problem.

This person was not informed of what their BAC was at any point, and it was claimed they “totally bombed” the field sobriety test. The person told me that yes, they did stumble, but it was more the result of being up for over 24 hours, and arthritis. The cop also said that he declined an attorney when I know he didn’t. The person said they were never offered one. I fully believe this. Because of my cop paranoia, I have rubbed off on everyone and if ever something happens that results in them going to jail, they most certainly would not decline an attorney.

Yes, we plan on fighting this, but that’s not what this is about. This post is about the conditions at the local jail.

I was there for two weekends last year and while I was not there long enough to see anything major, I can share stories from girls who had been there a while.

First up, in the three days I was in that holding cell, I was not allowed soap or toothpaste. This is not good, especially when at any given point, we had up to seventeen girls in a cell designed for four. Every one of us would use the same toilet and fountain, and nobody had any soap to wash their hands with after using said toilet. Is it any surprise that I came out with MRSA? (I tried to do something about getting MRSA, but I was met with, “You shouldn’t have gone to jail. It’s jail, not the Hilton!” These people failed to realize that if I catch MRSA in jail, I’ll wind up spreading it once I got out, yet the jailers did not care that inmates were getting MRSA.)

I was told stories by some of the girls who had been there before, and one of these stories was about an older woman. Nobody could remember what the woman was in for, and it doesn’t matter really. She was an insulin dependant diabetic, and down there in this county jail, you won’t get insulin. You’ll get metformin and that’s it. It doesn’t matter how bad your diabetes is, the metformin better work, or you’ll be screwed and according to the jailers, it’s your own fault.

One day this woman wasn’t feeling well, and she had vocalized it to the other inmates. Then she went to the toilet, came out and collapsed on the ground. The inmates rushed to her to try and help, but when they realized they could do nothing, began banging on the doors, trying to get somebody’s attention. Over fifteen minutes passed before a jailer even walked by, but he didn’t stop. He just glanced in and kept walking. Finally, a jailer came down, most likely to punish for the inmates making noise, and opened the door. When they showed her the girl on the ground, the CO went up to her, kicked her in the side and shouted, “GET UP.” The inmates tried explaining that the woman was a diabetic and needed to go to the hospital, but instead, this officer slapped the woman across the face in an attempt to get her to stop faking it (they always think you’re faking it). Finally, after fifteen minutes of no response, the jailer mumbled, “well I guess I better go get someone” (acting like it had just ruined her day) and she left. By the time an ambulance arrived, over an hour had passed. This woman is lucky to be alive today.

Then there was the story I just recently heard from my friend.

While he was in there, an asthmatic began having trouble breathing. If you think the jail will just give you an inhaler, you’ve got another thing coming. Sometimes, they won’t let you bring in your inhalers. Why? Well, it’s jail. Not the Hilton. You better not have any trouble breathing in there because you won’t get help.

This man collapsed to the floor, and the inmates did what they could as one inmate ran to his bunk to get his inhaler that he somehow got in. I don’t know how he got it in, but good job sir. The inmate returned with his inhaler and they worked together, someone checking pulse, another doing what he could to get the fallen inmate to inhale the inhaler (that sounds weird). Eventually, the man was able to breathe again. Imagine if you will, what would have happened if nobody had an inhaler snuck in.

Then there was the man with a “spider bite.” It was swollen quite a bit and looked like it was filled with something. To top it off, there were red streaks going up his arm. This is a sign that you need a doctor, right then. No fucking around.

Instead, corrections officers squeezed the bump until pus flew out, gave him a band-aid and sent him back to his cell. The next day, his entire arm was swollen, and the red streaks were even more prominent. After arguing with their “nurse” (I fully believe jail nurses are working in jails for a reason. If they were any good, they’d be in a hospital setting or a doctor’s office. There is a reason for this, and this is not an insult on nurses.) who wanted to squeeze it again, they finally took him to the ER. While in the ER, the doctor lanced it in a professional setting and proclaimed that it was MRSA as pus flew out. Of course, this man was prescribed medicine that he would not receive while in jail.

As far as prescribed medications in jail, the person I know has several conditions and is on twelve different medicines. While he was in there, he was not given any of his pills. They wouldn’t even allow us to bring them down for him. A couple of his conditions has disasterous results if you abruptly stop taking them, like an SSRI or an Anti-psychotic. That and the nurse argued with him over an anti-seizure medication being given for migraines. “But this is for seizures! Do you have epilepsy?” when he said no, it was for migraines, along with the beta blocker he was on, she continued arguing that the medicines were being used wrong. Basically it was foreshadowing. He didn’t have epilepsy, therefore, in her eyes, he didn’t need that pill. He didn’t have high blood pressure, so he didn’t need the beta-blocker. She was an idiot.  The person I knew went four days without his SSRI for depression, and another pill, I don’t remember what, that you are to be weaned off of. Not abruptly stop.

I get a lot of you like to say “Welp, don’t go to jail. I’m a law abidin’ citizen!”

Hah, no you aren’t. Do you speed? Do you forget to use your blinker? Do you jaywalk? Do you stream movies for free? Ever downloaded a song without paying? Ever taken a medication that was prescribed to someone else because it was an emergency for you?

You’re a criminal too. You aren’t any better.

I have touched on jail reform many times, but nobody listens. Half of the people in county jails are in there on petty or victimless crimes. A majority are in there for marijuana. They aren’t bad people, in fact, some of the nicest most caring people I’ve met were inmates in jail. I trust those inmates more than the CO’s. Mind you, not all CO’s are bad. When I was in, a woman tried to sneak me some pens and paper so I could work while in there, as well as some toothpaste and a small toothbrush so I didn’t have to go THREE DAYS without brushing my teeth (weekenders don’t get commissary. They also don’t get toothbrushes or toothpaste.). She did manage to sneak me the dental items, and when she did, she said, “you make sure to keep this hidden. Before you get out, flush it. Yes, the toilet can handle it. I could lose my job because of this.”

I did as she asked.

The real issue is the MRSA. You can sit there all smug thinking, “it’s jail. It’s a bunch of criminals. Who cares what happens to them (even though you’re a criminal too)?” all you want, but you fail to realize, the majority of inmates will get out. They will wind up touching the same things you touch, sneezing in the same area you walk through and you, Mr. I’m a law abidin’ citizen, you will be exposed to it and could possibly get it. MRSA has no real cure. If you or your child ever get MRSA and you can’t figure out how, remember this blog post. Realize that a former inmate, trying to get his life together, probably went through where you went through. Maybe then you’ll start petitioning for some type of jail reform.

Social Media Drama

Today on facebook, I received a friend request from a person I know, which I promptly denied.


A few years ago when I was a fresh-faced, doe eyed facebook newbie, this person sent me a request, so I accepted because “OMG, haven’t talked to you in years!”

Then a couple of years down the road, I received a second request from them, which meant that at some point during those two years, they unfriended me, most likely because I am blunt and people don’t like to hear things unless you sugar coat them. I accepted of course.

Today? Friend request from the same person. Again, this shows that in the past four or so years, they have unfriended me twice, for reasons unknown, and now they want to try again.

How about no?

I’ll let an unfriending slide one time, but I am not doing friendship tag with you. You had your chance, but clearly, you were oversensitive and hit that unfriend button quicker than shit because “That’ll show her.” At least, I assume.

It probably went a little like this.

I posted something that was mean because I am a big meanie.

This person is shocked. How could I say such things? Well, they’re offended! Time to unfriend her!

Years pass and this person goes, “Hm. Why hasn’t she tried to request me? Hasn’t she noticed that we aren’t friends? Well, maybe she’s changed. *clicks send request which gets accepted.” They mull around for a few months and wonder, “Why hasn’t she asked why I unfriended her? I’ll send her a message.*sends message that says Hi.*”

I reply, not mentioning the unfriending because I don’t care. I keep the conversation to boring things like the weather.

A few months down the road this person gets on facebook to see something mean. “Omg, they haven’t changed at all! I am offended! I don’t really like this person! *clicks unfriend* What a horrible bitch.”

This is where I truly don’t know what the hell goes through their heads. At what point, after you have unfriended somebody a SECOND time, do you somehow get it in your head that I want to be friends? You are either really dense and stupid (or you think I am dense and stupid) or constantly used to getting your way and you just assume I’ll accept.

I don’t play that game. I will let one unfriending slide, but if you get your panties in a wad, and unfriend a second time, don’t think I’ll accept your request. You clearly have issues of some sort, whether it be being oversensitive, or a narcissist who thinks people need you.

Or you’re just not very bright and you think facebook works the way the real world works. You fall out of touch with people a few times in your life and wind up speaking again. That’s not quite how facebook works. The unfriend feature isn’t a mute button of sorts. It’s not a “That’ll show her” button.

If you have ever unfriended somebody twice and chose to try and request again, you may want to rethink a few things in life. Some of us get very tired of you being a contrarian.