The Final Stage of Grief: Acceptance

I have been through these five stages several times this year. In fact, I think I spent the entire year in these stages.

My grandfather passed away in February, but you know what? With him, we knew it was coming. The denial, bargaining, anger– that all happened while he was still alive.

“No, he’s pretty healthy for 85! Maybe you should get a second opinion!”

“Well, yeah, but if this doctor does this, then it should be fine.”

“Why am I demanding you take him to a doctor? I get he’s ready, but SEE A DIFFERENT DOCTOR! Why am I being selfish? Because I don’t want to lose the last living grandparent I have, THAT’S WHY I AM BEING FUCKING SELFISH!”

Once he passed, the depression set in, and to be honest, I still have my days where I see or hear something that reminds me of him, and I tend to tear up.

Then there was Jackass Whorinova and what he did, including the stealing from me bit (I know I seem like I am not over this, but I promise you, I am. I don’t care about what happens to him. If I passed him on the street, I’d not even look up. What I do care about is my money. Everybody cares about money, and if it’s stolen, you want it back. And if there is an easy way to get it that requires filing police reports and sending his name off to an embassy, then you’ll do it, and not feel remotely bad about it because it’s money. It is the root of all evil, clearly. He used a person for money, and I may very well ruin a couple of lives to get that money back. I should care more, but I don’t. I am dead inside. 🙂 )

Then the worst death of somebody who “we” were all very close to. Our “Mohican.” It destroyed me just as much as her. I still wish to not speak much of it, because it is not wise to speak of the dead. It’s an old “tradition” where you cannot speak much of them, or say their name too much because they won’t “pass on” to “the other side.”

Just know we miss him terribly. She misses him the most. I find it odd that wedding bells are ringing, yet nobody seems too thrilled about it. In a way, it’s like watching a brother and sister become roommates. There is a love there, but it is not that type of love. It is merely fulfilling a promise, and she is doing it because that’s what he would have wanted, and this man is her last connection to the man she had.

When it comes to him, I’m not sure we will ever move past the depression stage. Perhaps this marriage counts as acceptance. I fear it will be a long time before any of us could possibly know the answer to that.

This year has left visible, permanent “scars” on all of us.

Myself? From all the crying I have done, I have large bags under my eyes that will not go away, even when I sleep well. (Are there any make-up pros, or beauty bloggers out there that could tell me how to conceal them, or perhaps give me some insight on the absolute best product to help minimize them? Please? Please?) They make me look much older and tired. I look weary, and it has affected my confidence. (I haven’t taken a selfie IN MONTHS. I’m a girl! We love selfies!) And not to be rude to “her” but she doesn’t look much better. We all have the bags under our eyes. The light in our eyes– it’s dimmed quite a bit. Sometimes I look at us and feel that we are stuck, just going through the motions of day to day life, and none of us really knowing what for. It’s like we are waiting for something to spark that life back inside of us. We want to live. We just need help getting excited about it.

Don’t take this as we are depressed. Truly, we aren’t. It’s just a rut. Everybody has ruts. Only this rut has been the length of an entire year. I hope, I pray that next year is better. I believe, if you ask me, that the gods have toyed with us long enough. We have suffered enough and I am about ready to slaughter the neighbor’s cow and toss it onto a burning pyre to get some good luck for next year.

However, ruts are a part of life, and we really should try to be more prepared for them, but sometimes, there’s not much you can do to prepare.

To make matters worse, my least favorite holiday, Christmas is coming up. Oh let me tell you how much I hate Christmas.

I. FUCKING. HATE. IT.

I hate it because people have lost sight of what’s important about it. Used to, it was all about getting to see your family that you don’t get to see much, but here lately, it’s about nothing but who gets the best presents, who spent the most money, etc.

I know some people who will spend their bill money to purchase gifts and they always ask me to borrow come January.

Christmas is the same time every year. Plan accordingly OR buy cheaper shit. I don’t understand the mentality of “Oh, we have to buy expensive things for every single person we know!” I never will.

Because this January, don’t you dare ask me to loan you money. You can just sit there in the dark, clutching your eviction notice. I have tried explaining repeatedly why you should set a price limit, and a who gets what limit. You never listen! Just don’t buy people shit if you can’t afford it. If they get mad, fuck them. You don’t need that in your life! You don’t need a person who cares ONLY about the gift as opposed to you showed up to see them.

So don’t do it. The bank of J. Theberge is closed this January.

Remember, I’m dead inside.

I do have a kerosene heater you could borrow if it gets too cold in your dark house.

 

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Modern Scalpers

Today I was on facebook, scrolling through my feed and I saw an interesting post from a community swap page.

This person had FIVE Hatchimals for sale for $100 or best offer. When asked where they got them, they claimed,”bought them for the kids and they didn’t want them.”

Let’s back up a bit.

If you aren’t aware, Hatchimals are this strange Tamogatchi/Furby hybrid toy that hatches from an egg over a period of time. You can watch it hatch right in front of you, and you have to clean up the “eggshells” once it comes out. (It’s not a huge mess like you think. They’re just small plastic bits.) These toys are like the modern day Cabbage Patch Kids, or Power Rangers action figures.

They are hot and in serious demand, so much so that stores have run out and aren’t certain when they’ll get a new shipment in.

One reason they have run out is because of people, like the seller I mentioned above, knowing full and well that it’s in serious demand, buying up all that the store had, and proceeded to sell them on BSOT (buy, sell or trade) facebook pages for an inflated price (Retail price is around $45), all to make a profit. They know parents these days aren’t going to tell their children, “No, I can’t get you that because X.”

I know not having this toy may upset your little angel, but for the love of God, do not buy these toys from the scalpers. I can handle ticket scalping (You’re still a jackass). I can handle other types of scalping, but this is doing it at the expense of CHILDREN. Instead, find out when the store will get a new stock, or keep an eye on the website (I will include the link at the end of my bitching) and be ready to buy it then. Explain to your child that people suck, and explain to them what the person has done, and why they did it, making certain to include the phrase, “because they’re a greedy asshole who is out to make a quick buck off the backs of parents just trying to make their kids happy, as opposed to getting a job.” Promise your child that as soon as one becomes available, you will get it. Kids, for the most part, are understanding and will be alright with waiting. Unless you have given everything to your child on a silver plate, and have never told them no, therefore you raised a spoiled brat.

That kid won’t understand. They’ll piss and moan like an impotent jerk and you’ll be tempted to hand $200 to a scalper just to shut them up.

Also be certain to tell them that the great philosopher Jagger once said, “You can’t always get what you want.”

The Great Philosopher Jagger

Because if you buy from these scalpers, you are essentially rewarding them for their behavior. You are telling them, “being morally bankrupt and greedy is just fine! It’s the year 2016 after all. You be what makes you happy.” Then this person will turn around, and the next time something like this happens, they’ll do it again, and you’ll spend money with them again, and they will turn another profit, and not learn a lesson.

Basically, I think these people need to be left with a dozen of these toys that people refuse to buy “second hand.” Let them be out all that money and have those stupid toys laying around. Then just maybe, if there’s ever another hot Christmas toy, they won’t buy them all up like the jackass they are.

Just maybe.

Hatchimals Official Site