Dew On The Vine

Stumbled across this song the other day. I am shocked it isn’t well known.


It made us think of you.

We miss you still.


Dew On The Vine


I’ve changed. A glorious change.

I decided to go back and read some social media posts from a few years ago.

I have changed, a lot. I don’t know who that person is, much like someone who hasn’t seen me in a few years is saying of me now.

They don’t know who I am. I am not the same.

In some ways this is good. I am a much tougher lady than I was two years ago, but in that, I care a lot less. In fact, unless it happens to somebody I know, I tend to not care. Back then, I had hope. I believed in love.

Ask me that now, and I will laugh at you. Love is nothing. Its tolerating a person you have known for a while. Its someone you don’t mind tolerating. That’s all love is.

I used to think it was so much more.

How naive I was!

Although, I am glad I have changed. I no longer blindly trust. I no longer let people take advantage of me. I stand up for myself. If I don’t want to speak to someone–I don’t. I used to speak just to be nice. I don’t care if I am nice now. People have come and gone since then, but those who have stuck around, despite my drastic change, I know truly care about me, unconditionally, and they get the same from me. All the “love” and support I can muster without looking like I used to.

My political stances have changed. Everything about me is different.

And I can pinpoint when all this happened. Late March of 2016.

He destroyed the person I used to be. I am so much better off. I didn’t see it that day. I was broken. But if I could travel back to that day and speak to the girl that once was, I would tell her, “just you wait and see who you will be in two years.”

She probably wouldn’t recognize me and I barely would her.

And I thank you so much for that, Gorenov.


The sky is a hazy shade of Winter

Oh boy.

It’s the first day of my least favorite season. I hate Winter. I hate the cold. I hate the snow. I also fully believe that anybody who likes these things cannot be trusted. So now, my countdown is on to the first day of Spring.

Where I live, we seem to get the worst Winter weather in late January into February. Rarely do we get snow in March, so I have about two months to go until the weather starts getting better, however, come Christmas day, the temperature is supposed to be in the sixties. That’s wonderful, and that makes me happy.

I know, dry your eyes, you who wanted a White Christmas. You’ll survive.

Secondly, the best thing has happened to be this year. I got Christmas over with. Yes, I am done with it. I handed out all presents, including my children’s, early! This means Christmas will be “just another day” for me, unless some of my friends choose to bring me shit on that day, despite my saying I don’t want anything.

My children received most of what they wanted and they cannot complain. Especially my youngest. I sent some packages off back in February (international) and one of them was returned. It was the one with a Thresh jacket from League of Legends, which my son enjoyed for a while, but has since moved on to more adult games.The jacket, however, was pretty bad ass, and he wanted it. The recipient truly doesn’t deserve it, but I being the “nice” girl I am, sent it anyways because it was purchased for them. With it back in my hands, I gave it to my son.

Finally, before I go– to the person who sent me a message that said, “Hey… Rebecca how are you.” Your profile needs to be verified. I don’t know who sent this, but I have a pretty good idea, and your answer is, I am just fine. I couldn’t be better. Most likely, we have nothing to speak about. So, don’t waste your time. You’re blocked for a reason. 🙂

And finally, I leave you with this. Did you know that I just recently found out that this song was originally done by Simon and Garfunkel?  I didn’t know. I thought it was a Bangles song.

Enjoy the first day of Winter, people, because God knows I won’t.

Hazy Shade of Winter

The Final Stage of Grief: Acceptance

I have been through these five stages several times this year. In fact, I think I spent the entire year in these stages.

My grandfather passed away in February, but you know what? With him, we knew it was coming. The denial, bargaining, anger– that all happened while he was still alive.

“No, he’s pretty healthy for 85! Maybe you should get a second opinion!”

“Well, yeah, but if this doctor does this, then it should be fine.”

“Why am I demanding you take him to a doctor? I get he’s ready, but SEE A DIFFERENT DOCTOR! Why am I being selfish? Because I don’t want to lose the last living grandparent I have, THAT’S WHY I AM BEING FUCKING SELFISH!”

Once he passed, the depression set in, and to be honest, I still have my days where I see or hear something that reminds me of him, and I tend to tear up.

Then there was Jackass Whorinova and what he did, including the stealing from me bit (I know I seem like I am not over this, but I promise you, I am. I don’t care about what happens to him. If I passed him on the street, I’d not even look up. What I do care about is my money. Everybody cares about money, and if it’s stolen, you want it back. And if there is an easy way to get it that requires filing police reports and sending his name off to an embassy, then you’ll do it, and not feel remotely bad about it because it’s money. It is the root of all evil, clearly. He used a person for money, and I may very well ruin a couple of lives to get that money back. I should care more, but I don’t. I am dead inside. 🙂 )

Then the worst death of somebody who “we” were all very close to. Our “Mohican.” It destroyed me just as much as her. I still wish to not speak much of it, because it is not wise to speak of the dead. It’s an old “tradition” where you cannot speak much of them, or say their name too much because they won’t “pass on” to “the other side.”

Just know we miss him terribly. She misses him the most. I find it odd that wedding bells are ringing, yet nobody seems too thrilled about it. In a way, it’s like watching a brother and sister become roommates. There is a love there, but it is not that type of love. It is merely fulfilling a promise, and she is doing it because that’s what he would have wanted, and this man is her last connection to the man she had.

When it comes to him, I’m not sure we will ever move past the depression stage. Perhaps this marriage counts as acceptance. I fear it will be a long time before any of us could possibly know the answer to that.

This year has left visible, permanent “scars” on all of us.

Myself? From all the crying I have done, I have large bags under my eyes that will not go away, even when I sleep well. (Are there any make-up pros, or beauty bloggers out there that could tell me how to conceal them, or perhaps give me some insight on the absolute best product to help minimize them? Please? Please?) They make me look much older and tired. I look weary, and it has affected my confidence. (I haven’t taken a selfie IN MONTHS. I’m a girl! We love selfies!) And not to be rude to “her” but she doesn’t look much better. We all have the bags under our eyes. The light in our eyes– it’s dimmed quite a bit. Sometimes I look at us and feel that we are stuck, just going through the motions of day to day life, and none of us really knowing what for. It’s like we are waiting for something to spark that life back inside of us. We want to live. We just need help getting excited about it.

Don’t take this as we are depressed. Truly, we aren’t. It’s just a rut. Everybody has ruts. Only this rut has been the length of an entire year. I hope, I pray that next year is better. I believe, if you ask me, that the gods have toyed with us long enough. We have suffered enough and I am about ready to slaughter the neighbor’s cow and toss it onto a burning pyre to get some good luck for next year.

However, ruts are a part of life, and we really should try to be more prepared for them, but sometimes, there’s not much you can do to prepare.

To make matters worse, my least favorite holiday, Christmas is coming up. Oh let me tell you how much I hate Christmas.


I hate it because people have lost sight of what’s important about it. Used to, it was all about getting to see your family that you don’t get to see much, but here lately, it’s about nothing but who gets the best presents, who spent the most money, etc.

I know some people who will spend their bill money to purchase gifts and they always ask me to borrow come January.

Christmas is the same time every year. Plan accordingly OR buy cheaper shit. I don’t understand the mentality of “Oh, we have to buy expensive things for every single person we know!” I never will.

Because this January, don’t you dare ask me to loan you money. You can just sit there in the dark, clutching your eviction notice. I have tried explaining repeatedly why you should set a price limit, and a who gets what limit. You never listen! Just don’t buy people shit if you can’t afford it. If they get mad, fuck them. You don’t need that in your life! You don’t need a person who cares ONLY about the gift as opposed to you showed up to see them.

So don’t do it. The bank of J. Theberge is closed this January.

Remember, I’m dead inside.

I do have a kerosene heater you could borrow if it gets too cold in your dark house.


Updates and more updates!

To start with, if you have been following the news on the impending kratom ban by the DEA, you will already know that it has been postponed for a while, due to many congressmen submitting Dear Colleague Letters that expressed their concern, and the public outcry that the DEA was on the receiving end of. According to the DEA, they are preparing to open the topic up for a “modified” public comment session. This doesn’t mean we have won. It does mean that our voices are being heard.

Unfortunately, several congressmen (the ones that didn’t sign) have sent letters to their constituents filled with misinformation and DEA ass kissing. It is very clear that they have done no research and are only parroting DEA talking points.

One of these, in particular, is Diane Feinstein, a democrat from California. Thankfully, she is not my congressman. One of mine, I actually spoke to personally, and he did listen to my concerns and wound up signing the letter. Thank you, Mark Kirk. As of now, you have my vote.

But Back to Miss Feinstein.

Several people called her expressing their concerns, and you know what she did? She started having her interns pass along the message of, “Miss Feinstein agrees with the DEA that kratom is an immediate public health threat, and agrees on it being placed on the schedule one list. She is no longer receiving messages on this topic. Thank you for calling!”

For real, Miss Feinstein? You didn’t even attempt to listen. You showed a severe disdain for your own constituents who YOU REPRESENT. I promise you, Californians will remember this come election day, and most likely, you will have lost a lot of voters. Perhaps it is time for you to go home, and stop being in politics. Politics is listening to your constituents, and unfortunately, a lot have  forgotten that. No worries, Miss Feinstein. You are in good company with my other senator, Dick Durbin, who I have yet to hear anything from, and no he didn’t sign the letter. Funny, you’re democrats, and you claim to be all for the people, but you have shown us otherwise.

I do wholeheartedly thank the other senators and reps who listened and signed the letter, particularly Pocan and Salmon, who started the snowball that has been rolling ever since.

If you ask me, I think it is time we abolish the DEA and the FDA. These organizations do nothing but nanny adults who can make their own choices, and who can accept responsibility for the things they do. An example would be raw milk. The FDA demands nobody touch it, nobody sell it, but you know what? We are all aware of the dangers of it, and if we still wish to drink it, that is entirely up to us, NOT YOU. The FDA has had their eye on kratom for quite some time and speaking of, the DEA tried telling a few of us that they weren’t responsible for the ban, that it was the FDA and we should call them. Nice way to show your sheer incompetence. What I don’t understand is that alcohol is far more deadly than kratom could ever dream of being. It kills thousands of people directly, and indirectly. It causes numerous health problems, but the DEA and FDA seem to have no issues with what alcohol does, yet when it comes to kratom, they wave those fifteen related deaths in ten years like it’s a huge deal, like it’s the most deadly thing in the country (but they don’t tell you that 14 of those had other medications or alcohol in their system as well, and the other one, look that up yourself.) at the moment. I do feel we have the chance of winning, though.

In other news, I saw a movie! I never go to the theater, but I did two weeks ago, and I saw the new Blair Witch! I won’t put any spoilers in here, but for the first hour, I thought the Blair witch was a dinosaur. A better title for it would have been “Blair Witch Boo: Book of Jumpscares.” They were so cheap and laughable, and it was awful. I rate it 2 out of 5, ONLY because the last thirty minutes were fairly intense, even though the movie wasn’t clever enough to go the direction I thought it would go. *ugh*

Lastly, in two weeks, my next book, “The Second Fate,” will be available on amazon! If you’re interested in a twist on Greek Gods, cowboys and time travel, keep my book in mind! I’ll have more information on it the closer it gets to time for its release!

Until then, don’t forget that “Subject Alpha” is still available on amazon for only 99 cents. You can find it by clicking this nice link I put here for you. 🙂

Until we speak again, keep your heads up, chins up and keep fighting!

Independence Day!

No, not the movie, and I haven’t seen the new one yet, but I plan on it! I don’t care how “bad” people thought the first one was, I loved it. Besides, anybody who says they always hated it, is a lying hipster. Everybody loved that movie when it came out. It was entertaining. I feel the same way about people who claimed they hated “Titanic.” You loved it. You know you did.

In other news, my new book, “The Black Summer Rain: After Midnight,” is so close to being completely finished and out, only I had a couple of setbacks. One is having to change the nationality of a character in the book. It’s a toss up between Bulgarian and Croatian, however I am not sure which country has the more “bad ass” special forces. I’ve read Croatian is pretty bad ass. Alongside changing a nationality, I had to get some extra information on certain types of bombs. Surely by the title alone you can figure out what this book is about.

Speaking of bad ass special forces, I just learned about the Danish Huntsmen. Have you seen these guys? The attire alone is enough to convey, “Don’t fuck with us.” Seriously Denmark, I may have underestimated you, especially when I said the only great thing to come out of the country was Aqua. If you don’t know who Aqua is, consider yourself lucky, but I guarantee you know the song, “barbie girl” (it’s so bad, I can’t even give it capital letters).

Speaking of Denmark, I will probably visit that country within the next few months. I have an interest in all things ancient, and really must visit the museum to see the Egtved (did I spell that right?) girl. Look her up if you haven’t heard of her, but don’t rely on my spelling of the word.

I mentioned it was Independence Day weekend, and I must convey the conversation I had with an Indian (from India, not Native American) friend. I had to give him a call tonight, just to wake him up to make certain he didn’t miss his bus back home (he’s currently in India) and just as I got on the phone, fireworks started going off at the neighbors house. He said, “Woah, what the fuck was that?” I replied, “Oh, fireworks. It’s Independence Day weekend.” He chuckled and said, “Well, it is America. I assumed you had a crazy gun man going down the street.”

Thank you for the laugh, Sumit.

Anyways, in other news, “Subject Alpha” is once again free for the weekend, so grab it if you haven’t had the chance to read it yet, and would like to get wrapped up in a sappy romance. A couple of reviews have stated it isn’t that sappy, but in my eyes it is. I am my own worst critic.

Have a happy Independence Day, and try not to blow your hands off with the fireworks.

Unless you live in Illinois. You get poppers and smoke bombs.