Modern Scalpers

Today I was on facebook, scrolling through my feed and I saw an interesting post from a community swap page.

This person had FIVE Hatchimals for sale for $100 or best offer. When asked where they got them, they claimed,”bought them for the kids and they didn’t want them.”

Let’s back up a bit.

If you aren’t aware, Hatchimals are this strange Tamogatchi/Furby hybrid toy that hatches from an egg over a period of time. You can watch it hatch right in front of you, and you have to clean up the “eggshells” once it comes out. (It’s not a huge mess like you think. They’re just small plastic bits.) These toys are like the modern day Cabbage Patch Kids, or Power Rangers action figures.

They are hot and in serious demand, so much so that stores have run out and aren’t certain when they’ll get a new shipment in.

One reason they have run out is because of people, like the seller I mentioned above, knowing full and well that it’s in serious demand, buying up all that the store had, and proceeded to sell them on BSOT (buy, sell or trade) facebook pages for an inflated price (Retail price is around $45), all to make a profit. They know parents these days aren’t going to tell their children, “No, I can’t get you that because X.”

I know not having this toy may upset your little angel, but for the love of God, do not buy these toys from the scalpers. I can handle ticket scalping (You’re still a jackass). I can handle other types of scalping, but this is doing it at the expense of CHILDREN. Instead, find out when the store will get a new stock, or keep an eye on the website (I will include the link at the end of my bitching) and be ready to buy it then. Explain to your child that people suck, and explain to them what the person has done, and why they did it, making certain to include the phrase, “because they’re a greedy asshole who is out to make a quick buck off the backs of parents just trying to make their kids happy, as opposed to getting a job.” Promise your child that as soon as one becomes available, you will get it. Kids, for the most part, are understanding and will be alright with waiting. Unless you have given everything to your child on a silver plate, and have never told them no, therefore you raised a spoiled brat.

That kid won’t understand. They’ll piss and moan like an impotent jerk and you’ll be tempted to hand $200 to a scalper just to shut them up.

Also be certain to tell them that the great philosopher Jagger once said, “You can’t always get what you want.”

The Great Philosopher Jagger

Because if you buy from these scalpers, you are essentially rewarding them for their behavior. You are telling them, “being morally bankrupt and greedy is just fine! It’s the year 2016 after all. You be what makes you happy.” Then this person will turn around, and the next time something like this happens, they’ll do it again, and you’ll spend money with them again, and they will turn another profit, and not learn a lesson.

Basically, I think these people need to be left with a dozen of these toys that people refuse to buy “second hand.” Let them be out all that money and have those stupid toys laying around. Then just maybe, if there’s ever another hot Christmas toy, they won’t buy them all up like the jackass they are.

Just maybe.

Hatchimals Official Site



I am now the proud mother of a teenager/ My rainbows and cupcakes delivery

Thirteen years ago today (truly, it doesn’t sound right when I say it. Thirteen years? Bloody hell.) I was in the hospital, after having been induced, feeling a little like a celebrity. So many people were there including: My grandpa (god rest his soul), my father, my mother, my sister, my now ex-husband, my cousin (who had never seen a vaginal delivery, despite having three children. Hers were all c-section, and she had asked me if she could sit in. I told her yes, because, why not?) and my cousin’s cousin!

Long about 8:00 in the evening, I came out of a Stadol induced haze. My labor pains earlier had gotten quite bad, enough that I asked for drugs, and drugs I got! By this time my grandfather and uncle had gone home, but most everyone else was still there. I sat up and looked at my mother and said, “I think I have to take a shit.”

My mother leans down and says, “What?”

I repeat, with a little more gusto than a whisper from being on drugs all day, “I HAVE TO SHIT!”

My mother pauses for a nanosecond, and then her eyes widen and she tells me, “No! Don’t shit! [J.Theberge’s father] Get the doctor!”

My dad, who had been mulling around most of the day, getting the food and drink for people looked up and said, “huh? Why?”

Then my mother said those words to him, “SHE HAS TO SHIT!” (mind you, my mother is currently a near 40 year RN, so she knows exactly what she’s doing, and talking about. She was merely repeating what I had said.)

My father and now ex-husband rush from the room, barking as they rushed down the hallway, saying that we needed the doctor nowt because the baby was coming.

Finally, he gets in there, and I remember complaining that the man had huge, “sausage fingers.” It was quite exhausting, and at one point I had my sister and ex-husband holding onto a leg while I pushed.

At 8:25 a little bundle of child came flying into the world (The doctor stood on the other side of the room with a catcher’s mitt. Don’t believe me? 😉 ) and they threw him onto my lap (bloody and gross) whilst I delivered the afterbirth, which I did NOT eat, and I did NOT take home with me (you gross people). It was promptly put into a biohazard bag and disposed of.

I also clamped the cord. Oh the horror, eh?

I also had more stitches than Buford Pusser (Thank you Jeff Foxworthy. I did not understand that joke when I was a wee one. As an adult who has popped out other humans, I totally get it.)

This has been the labor and delivery story of my firstborn. I’ve noticed those are quite popular online anymore, because people think (for some strange reason) that they are magical, rainbows and cupcakes moments, that somehow make me a primordial earth goddess of womanhood (only if I do it the *RIGHT* way. In a hospital? WITH DRUGS? NOT EATING THE PLACENTA? CLAMPING THE CORD?! NO SKIN TO SKIN IMMEDIATELY? OMG, I should have just tossed the kid into the orphanage because that was not the *RIGHT* way.)

I also didn’t breastfeed. 🙂 (Oh yeah, jump all down my throat about how every bit of what I did was wrong, and if I had only done it the *RIGHT* way, I would be deserving of a medal, and it would have been a magical moment.)

Natural birthers, lactivists… some of the worst bunch to ever grace the internet.

Anyways, a wonderful, happy birthday to my TEENAGER. I have a TEENAGER. Jesus, where did the time go? The next time I blink, he will be an adult. I don’t like this. I don’t like aging, and I don’t enjoy my children growing so fast, however, tis a part of life.

God, I just realized, I grow closer to being a grandparent every day.

Remind me to have their father explain why condoms are great. I refuse to be a grandmother before I hit 40.

But then I could be a GILF, so it’s a win-win either way.

I dedicate this song to you, my teenaged son that acts just like me. I’m sure my mother is still trying to figure out how to be a fly on the wall.

Happy Birthday, son!



No, not me. But I shall tell you a story.

There is a woman I know who is roughly my age. For near two years, she pined after somebody, but that person wound up being a lying, thieving, con artist. The thing is, there was a guy who adored her, but he always maintained distance, because he wanted her to be happy, and the entire group of friends thought that the lying, thieving man was into her (he should be an actor, I tell you.).

The day came where the truth was found out, and that night he let her cry on his shoulder, and being her typical self, she quickly realized just what she was missing out on, so she bedded him (authors love that word. “Bedded.” It sounds much nicer than “fucked,” yes?) That night started a one-way trip up, and the circle of friends knew that those two would wind up together.

But fate had other plans.

He was killed three weeks later.

She has since closed herself off, refusing to even consider any other man, because as she said, they may have had only three legitimate weeks together, but they really did love a lifetimes worth, and she wants nobody else. She plans on being independent.

Until recently his cousin, who has been there from the get-go approached me and told me that he and the man had a conversation, not a week before he passed, where he asked if anything should happen to him, that he take care of her. He promised he would.

So, we come to now, and he has told her about their conversation, and in that, asked her to marry him, so he could take care of her.

She has no answer. She has no words. She has enough money to take care of herself and her family, but in all honesty, she will not love again. She doesn’t want to. She does care for this cousin of her deceased lover, because he is family. He is part of their clan.

We are all touched by the offer, and as good as I am with advice, I’m afraid I can offer none here. A part of me hopes she can find it in her to say yes, even though she really doesn’t need taken care of.

And this cousin knows that her heart will never fully belong to him. He is merely filling his part in an agreement made several months ago.

We all stop to wonder what our Mohican would have wanted (it was our nickname for him), even though we know the answer. He isn’t here. He cannot love and take care of her, and there is one person who he wanted to fill that void in his absence.

Oh, Mohican. You have made this so hard. We still love you. We always will.

Hopefully, my friend can spit an answer other than “Uhh?” at some point.

Being reminded of our little Mohican

Aftermath of the 1997 Jarrell Tornado – The Most Intense Tornado Damage Ever Photographed

Interesting information on a very powerful, “unsurvivable above ground” tornado. I live in “new tornado alley” and have been through a few, but none this bad. I’d like to see a weather synopsis for that day.

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The Jarrell tornado left the most intense tornado damage ever photographed in rural Williamson County.

□  On May 27, 1997, an unusual tornado formed in the Central Texas foothills. Just after 2pm that day, despite unfavorable atmospheric conditions, two supercell thunderstorms exploded like atomic bombs in the afternoon sky. A little after 3pm, a thread-like funnel descended near the Bell County line. The tornado was weak initially, but suddenly entered a period of rapid intensification as it entered Williamson County from the north. Winds reached F5 intensity as the tornado thundered to the southwest and passed near the small town of Jarrell.

When it was over, news and helicopter crews descended upon the area, and images of the damage were broadcast across the country. Even seasoned meteorologists gasped at the intensity of the destruction. To this day, the Jarrell tornado remains…

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Re-writing the past/It’s the truth to me


I was asked about somebody today.

“Hey, whatever happened to X person?”

My first answer?

“Who? I don’t know anybody by that name.”

They say:

“Yeah, you used to talk to them all the time. They looked like this X hair, X eyes, giant nose. That guy that was on the cover of your book! What was his name?”

My answer?

“No, I think you’re mistaken. I have never known anybody like that.The guy on my cover is based off of *dude from X game*”

They say:

“I know you based your character off that, but Becks I’m starting to worry about your memory loss. Have you had it checked recently? Temporal lobe damage…”

I interrupt:

“Okay, yeah I just didn’t want to talk about it. They died a while back.”


“Oh my god! How?”

Myself? I say:

“Car wreck. Don’t worry about me. They were more of an acquaintance than anything. Besides, they were one of those scammers. Remember the girl who bashed my book to no end without reading it at all? Kitty?”

They say:

“Oh, I remember that. Don’t let things like that get to you. What about her?”


“I spoke to her a while back after he died. As it turns out, he tried conning her too. Wanna see?”

*Shows screencaps*

They say:

“Wow. Some people haven’t any shame. Sorry to hear about his passing, but you dodged a bullet.”


“Don’t apologize. It doesn’t affect me any. My world is better.”


It is the truth to me. It’s the truth to us, and sometimes it is for the best.


Letting go

It’s the sixteenth. This will be the shittiest day of the month for me for a while.

Back in February, I had a death of a relative that was very close to me, and needless to say, I do not do well with a loss of any sorts.

But a few months ago, I had a dream I was in their house, and nobody else was there. It was just me, and it was so quiet. I was looking for something of theirs to take with me to “remember” them by, and finally, I went to put my shoes on to leave, and I was quite upset.

Then the radio started playing on its own. The song was “Let That Pony Run” by Pam Tillis. Anybody who knows country may think this is an odd song, but it wasn’t, because it was just the chorus that started playing.

“You do what you gotta do, and you know what you know, you hang on, til you can’t hang on, then you learn to let go…”

Let That Pony Run–Pam Tillis

I fully believe that he came to me in my dream to try and help me move on.

There was another song that played, and the title isn’t subtle at all. I think it was the title alone, “Letting Go” by Suzy Bogguss.

Letting Go–Suzy Bogguss

It’s been several months, and I am still working on letting go. The good news is that I smile more than I cry now when I think of them.

Eventually, I’ll get to where it’s nothing but smiles.

Until then, I’ll never forget you guys, and will keep you very close to my heart until we meet again.