Election season drama in America.

Oh my God, I bloody hate presidential election years. It brings out the most intolerant, and hateful people, and shockingly, I’m talking about the Liberals and Clinton supporters.

Firstly, a nice reminder for you: I do not usually speak politics. I will not go into my personal views (aside from who I may or may not vote for, but don’t expect my reasons why) and I do not debate politics. So, if you feel the need to leave a hateful comment, just know it will go unread and ignored.)

It boggles my mind that out of all the people qualified to run for president in America, we managed to say, “hey, these two are our best choices right now.”

Actually, we didn’t say that. There was that little bit of a DNC scandal that kind of just shoved a candidate into our faces, even though we wanted the other one. That’s right, I was a Sanders girl. I still am, even though I am disappointed at how he flip flopped on Clinton. First, he said she wasn’t qualified, now he is saying we have to unite and vote for her because “do you want Trump in office?”

That is the only reason to vote for her that I get from her supporters. I have yet to hear a reason why I should vote for her aside from, “but do you want Trump as president?” I have asked several times and they always list why Trump is bad, and why I shouldn’t vote for him, therefore I have to vote for Clinton.

No, I absolutely do not. Don’t give me that lesser of two evils business either, because if you really wanted me to vote the lesser of two evils, I’d have to vote Trump. I know I just got a load of confused people girding up their loins to leave poorly written comments on why I’m so “stupid” and they just “can’t even.”

Hear me out, and get ready for a nice lesson in politics.

Trump is the lesser of two evils for a few reasons. Firstly, the majority of congress hates him. Seriously, democrats and republicans alike can’t stand the guy, and I’m not sure if you are aware but when a president wants to do something he has to have congressional support. Presidents cannot write laws, that is delegated to congress, so you people saying, “Trump will make it a law to kill all the gays/Muslims/women, etc” are horribly in the wrong. That is, and I am sorry to say, just a scare tactic Clinton supporters like to use to get people to vote for her.  If Trump wanted to make that a law, he would have to get Congress to support his idea, and they would have to write it. Sure, he could try to do an executive order, but even then congress and the supreme court have some says, and it wouldn’t ever fly. Basically, what I am saying is that if Trump were in office, he would be a lame duck for four years, and we wouldn’t be any worse off in four years than we are now. We would most likely be in the exact same boat. I can’t say the same for Clinton. Combine that with this whole seemingly new cold war with Russia, and she could be pretty dangerous. She’s done a lot of wrong, and we have proof that she lies (what politician doesn’t though, amirite?) and is really into “rigging” stuff. 🙂

Now, another point of mine is that I am not voting for either. Right now, I am flip flopping between Johnson and Stein. Do they have a chance of winning? Not really. Is it a wasted vote? Nope, because this is MY vote. In this country I am allowed to vote for the person I see fit, regardless of whether they have a chance of winning. It isn’t wasted in my eyes, so I will more than gladly vote third party for the first time in my life. However, the real kicker of all of this is I have NEVER once been shamed by a Trump supporter for going third party. Never. All they say is, “well, you vote for who you think would be best. They aren’t going to win, but if that’s what you want to do, go for it.”

I don’t get that from Clinton supporters.  I get, “Dude, a vote for X is a vote for Trump! Do you want Trump in office? How stupid can you be? Have you even looked at their policies? It just boggles my mind that ANYBODY could be so stupid and support them when it’s clear Clinton is the right choice! I swear some people shouldn’t be allowed to vote!”

For the record, I copied and pasted that from a reply to one of my comments on facebook. This person is supposed to be a “friend” of mine. Then again, this is the same person who went on a blocking spree with any Trump supporters on his friend’s list. You keep on sitting in that echo chamber, buddy.

You know how many Trump supporters have blocked me for supporting Sanders “Evil socialist! He is a socialist! He’s a commie! How can you as an AMERICAN support that?” (Another copy paste job). Take a guess how many?

One.

He had made a status (and I see so many of these. If you have ever posted anything like this, I question your intelligence) that said, “If anybody supports that SOCIALIST Sanders, UNFRIEND ME NOW!”

Do it yourself, you stupid cock. Yes, I did say that to him, and he promptly unfriended and blocked me. Really, if you have ever blocked anybody, or stopped talking to someone because they supported a different candidate than you, you’re kind of pathetic. There will always be people who think differently than you. That’s called life. It’s also called being intolerant (looking at both liberals and conservatives here. Yeah, Liberals have gotten pretty damn intolerant. That’s a reason I left the party!)

It’s just insanely dramatic and the fact that there are people out there willing to toss life long friends out of their lives because they don’t support the same candidate is ridiculous. I used to be like that, but I hit thirty and realized I was acting like a big crybaby who needed her safe space echo chamber in order to have conversations.

I don’t want to be like that. If you’re cool, I’ll be your friend.

If you’re an intolerant asshole, then I don’t want to talk to you.  That goes for both sides, and I’m sorry to be the one to tell you liberals/progressives, but you have become far more intolerant than the right could ever be.

And this is coming from a lifelong progressive.

Hardest songs to sing from a layman!

I am a layman when it comes to music. I don’t pretend to know any more than I do. I used to “coach” people, and by that I mean help people sing a little better by saying, “no, breath like this,” among other things. I don’t know much about notes. I can’t read music. Compared to the rest of my family, I am not very talented. They can all play every instrument you can name, sing, read music, write songs, etc. I got a pretty decent singing voice, but lately, it’s not very good. I’m aging and combine that with smoking for years, and I sound like Tom Waits on estrogen.

That being said, I am a very harsh critic when it comes to television singing competitions. It takes a lot to please me. I will nitpick the hell out of people’s singing, when truly I haven’t much room to talk. In fact, it’s pretty rare when I watch things like The Voice and truly get floored by a contestant. That has only happened ONCE in the past three years.

Cody Wickline. Jesus Christ, that boy is good. Seriously, he picked a song so many people try to sing (and usually fail) and practically channeled the artist. It was phenomenal. If you somehow missed it, here you go.

What the hell was Blake waiting on? TURN AROUND NOW!

Most country fans will tell you, that was phenomenal. I have no complaints about that. I may have become his biggest fan, and I’m not a huge country fan. I listen to everything, but country isn’t on the top of my list.

That being said, there are some songs you just shouldn’t do, and if you do them and fail, I will have a pretty big bone to pick with you. I like it when the contestants take risks, but if you’ve got a vocal range like mine (F2-C5), even if you sound good, don’t go in trying to sing “Alone” by Heart. For God’s sake, just don’t. You will fail, and it will piss me off. To me, this is one of the hardest songs to pull off. You have to have the right range, the right weight, the right type and then on top of that there’s all of that belting.

Do not sing this at karaoke unless you want eggs tossed at you

Now, I will leave out all opera songs in this list. ( Did I say list? It’s not really a list.) It’s just me bitching, as usual. That’s a no-brainer on you have to have just the right vocal talent in order to do it.

Then there are the people who come in wielding any Whitney Houston song in history. All I have to say to that is YOU are not Whitney. You do not sound like her. Even if you had the range, and the weight, I doubt you have the control over the belting that she does (I’m a layman. I never claimed to be a pro). I’m not even going to link a Whitney Houston song, because you all know which one I am talking about. (Here’s a hint: Dolly Parton was the original singer, and she did quite good. Excellent in fact, but you aren’t either one of them. Besides, Dolly has a very unique voice.)

Or people come in thinking they can do Celine Dion. You  may be able to do the song (why would you want to though) but you don’t have that power.

Your voice won’t go on after trying this

But that’s not even the hardest Celine song to do. I tell you, I heard someone try this next one at karaoke one night, and Jesus. I nearly left. I nearly threw a bottle of Jack Daniels at her head.

The Power of Love (Don’t try this song)

Here’s another singing tip, alcohol doesn’t do you any favors. It doesn’t. It only helps if you’re Tom waits, which if you have somehow missed out on him, give him a listen. He has several interesting songs, and a terrible voice, but it somehow works. See, I’m not saying you have to have a perfect voice to do any singing. That’s not true at all. You just have to know what works for your voice, because you can’t sing everything.

Tom Waits Cookie Waits

No, that’s not the cookie monster. That’s actually Tom Waits singing. I just thought the video was less creepy than Tom walking around a weird fun house on paint stilts with bubbles and emu’s running around.

Again, these songs are ones that I fully believe you must do correctly. You best nail every aspect of that song or people like me will point at you and say mean things. Your voice isn’t perfect, but with the right techniques and the proper songs, you can sound great, and you don’t have to tear your voice up.

I leave you with two songs by one group and that group is JOURNEY! Believe it or not, Faithfully is pretty hard to sing along to, but they have ONE song that it doesn’t matter how shitty your voice is, everyone sounds just fine singing. In fact, every single one of you have belted this out in strange places when it came on.

Faithfully

If this song comes on, and you have friends that don’t automatically start singing– get rid of them. You can’t trust people like that.

I was in the car once with three men, and these guys are pretty big guys. Think big, bearded bikers. Anyways, this song came on, and of course we all start singing. Even when we stopped at the light, we kept singing. The people next to us? They started singing.

I think Journey could be the way to end all wars. Just put it on a gigantic loudspeaker. Everyone will stop to sing.

I blame Glee.

EDIT: I forgot about being floored by Collabro’s audition on Britains Got Talent in 2014. My eyes got a little misty, it was that good.

Stars by Collabro! Best Audition in a While!

Airline Amy!

I met a flight attendant who’s name was Amy.

“Off the Deep End,” anybody?

Am I so old that I connected these things in my head?

Listen up you younguns, back in 1992, a man known as “Weird” Al Yankovic put out a parody album (This one was his SEVENTH) called “Off the Deep End.” On this album, there were plenty of parodies of well-known bands, like Nirvana! Surely, you have heard “Smells like Nirvana,” correct? If not here you go:

Rawk on

On this same album was a song called, “Trigger Happy,” that I particularly enjoy singing when the topic of gun rights come up.

It annoys a lot of people

Weird Al had a lot of songs. I actually have a story involving my awesome former OBGYN. I was scheduled for a c-section with my last pregnancy, and I was prepped for surgery. My amazing OBGYN comes walking in and starts talking to me about the usual surgery stuff. When he gets behind the curtain, before touching anything, I suddenly hear him, “Let me see, that IV, here we go, time to operate, I’ll pull her insides out… I’ll pull her insides out and see what she ate!! Like a surgeon…”

This is a good time to mention that my OBGYN and I had a great relationship. He was one of the best doctors I have ever had, and I owe him one of my children’s life. He and his wife were really good people. So don’t go whining about how that’s horrible. I thought it was hilarious, and it put me more at ease about having my gut sawed into.

The point of this, is when you are a huge fan of Weird Al, and you grew up with his music (I grew up with ALL THE MUSIC) and you know every song, when you meet a flight attendant named Amy, his song “Airline Amy” will pop into your head. Thankfully, she was aware of the song when I looked at her and said, “My mission is to get you in an upright, locked position!”

Airline Sexual Innuendo

If you don’t know who Weird Al is, and I don’t see how you could not have heard anything by him, considering he’s been at it for over thirty years!

And on that note, I leave you with this, youngsters.

Get offa my lawn!

Quick Day One Update

If you aren’t aware, a lot of authors like to drop little Easter Eggs into their books, kind of like some game companies do with their games, and I am no exception.

“Subject Alpha” has a couple as does “The Second Fate,” however, they aren’t that easy to spot. While I think the few in my second book are easier, I do love hearing from people who have spotted them.

Here’s a hint: In “The Second Fate” there is a reference to one of my favorite musicians, but that reference is also a reference to somebody I used to know. Now, unless you know me, you won’t get the second half of that reference, but you should get the first, and who it is I am talking about. 🙂

People get surprised when they find out that he’s one of my favorite musicians.

Enjoy the hunt, and look for that with other authors you read. You’ll spot some when you weren’t even looking, now that you are aware that they are there!

Completely Unexpected

For real, my book “The Second Fate” saw some very good sales the first day! I’d like to thank everybody who purchased it! You guys are wonderful, and I wouldn’t trade you guys for anything! You too, Xenophon (I will still pronounce it KSHENOPHEN, 😛 )

But enough of that. Nobody enjoys it when people get overly dramatic, right?

Thus begins my brief hiatus. It’s back on a globetrotting adventure for me, but just for a little while. Before I go, I want to leave you with this.

A lot of times, you wish for something to happen. You  love someone, or you want a certain job, so you wish and wish and hope it comes true. Then something happens. That person pulls an Eddie Guerrero (They lie, they cheat, they steal. 😉 No offense to the late Eddie Guerrero) and you go your separate ways (sometimes in a very brutal fashion. Cuck-a-doodle-doo, loser.). It sucks at first. It hurts at first. You can’t do anything but wonder why.

Then months down the road when you’re all healed up and back to normal, you look back with a “what the fuck was I thinking” attitude, and realize that things worked out the way they were supposed to. You realize what was really wrong with that person, and why they were a huge mistake. You realize that job, it wouldn’t have worked out. You see that the person is ugly outside and in (truly, your eyes are so blinded when you like someone! Everyone tells you the person isn’t attractive and you get mad at them. Down the road you’re like “da fuq, they were right!”). You see that they really don’t have the brains God gave a goose.

That’s when you need to be thankful that it turned out the way it did. Don’t hold any bitterness with God/Fate/The Universe. Be thankful you are where you are now.

I mean, you can hold all the bitterness you want towards the person or whatever, but do it in a joking fashion. I wouldn’t wish death on a few people, but I’d probably laugh if they were hit by a bus and became a quadriplegic. Even then, they’d be offering the world the same amount of effort that they do now. 🙂

Have a good week, everybody! I’ll be back at work soon enough!

A Day In the Life of a Hypochondriac

I am a hypochondriac, which stems from an anxiety disorder, or so I have been told.

Now, not to be rude, but there are a lot of self-diagnosers out there. Why they claim they have an anxiety disorder when all they do is get a little nervous over major things (don’t we all) is beyond me, and when they do that, it makes people like me look like we are just attention whores.

Firstly, if you think you may have a condition, please see a doctor. If you don’t like what that doctor says, we have second opinions for a reason. In fact, most doctors recommend you get them because they know they are only human and can make mistakes.

When I say I have anxiety issues, I really mean it and yes they are diagnosed. I have separation anxiety, abandonment issues (this is a story for another day, on where these started. I’ll drop the hint of they started where all my issues started, in the year 2008), hypochondria and plain old generalized anxiety. I know my panicking over little things is silly, but my logical mind cannot overcome the panic.

For instance, when that shit happened with the ex-bestie (whom for the purposes of this blog, shall be called “the Skopijan”), I was nothing but a bundle of raw nerves. Why? The separation anxiety and abandonment issues, which he wound up separating and dropping me like a bad habit because a girl told him to (That’s all it boils down to. A girl told him to. So he did. Maybe one day he will grow some testicles, but at this point, I fear it is too late). Yet, looking back on it, I can see how silly it was for me to get so upset over it. A person without my “condition” would have been a little sad at the end of a friendship, but would have easily gotten over it, especially since the friend had done nothing but use them for money (I wonder if he has acquired a job yet. I’d ask his lady friend who was nice to me and seemed interested in talking, but once she realized I couldn’t send her screen caps to fuel her paranoia that he was cheating on her, she didn’t want to talk. He probably is, dear.). They wouldn’t have been so upset. Not me, I lost my collective wits and did nothing but freak out for over a month. Now, of course, I look back like, “The Skopijan was not worth my tears. Good to be rid of someone like that. I don’t need that shit.” A doctor also told me that this boils down to another bit of GAD called “adjustment disorder.” I apparently don’t take change too well. Now whether I believe that to be a real medical condition that needs to be “medicated” is another story. Most people don’t deal with change well at all. I just happen to be one of them.

Because of this, I am also a severe hypochondriac. For those of you who don’t know, I think I have everything wrong with me. So let me tell you what the past two weeks have been like for me.

I have convinced myself (or near convinced myself) that I was:

Having a heart attack (slight twinges in my chest, mainly due from leaning on my elbows which puts strain on your chest muscles)

Having a stroke (because I lean on my elbows a lot, I stretch out the cubital nerve. It’s also known as cellbow, or cell phone elbow. It’s like carpal tunnel but on the other side of the hand where your pinky and ring finger go numb, tingle, etc)

Had breast cancer (thought I felt a lump. Then I sought it out and couldn’t find it again, and wound up making my breast a little sore, which further solidified my cancer fear)

Had uterine/cervical cancer (had a shorter than usual period.)

Had a brain tumor (headache from staring at a computer monitor for too long while working on my new book)

 

Thankfully, my mother is a nurse, and God love her, she puts up with so much shit from me. I call her in a panic like, “Mom, I think I’m having a stroke!!”

She will go, “You’re not having a stroke, J. Theberge! (I’m not putting my real name here. Unless I did already and forgot but I’m not doing it now XD)” Then she will proceed to go into a list of reasons WHY I am not having some medical crisis.

My whole point of this blog post is to point out that anxiety issues aren’t cute. They aren’t quirky. Stop romanticizing mental issues (looking at you tumblr)! They can be severely debilitating and crippling. They aren’t funny. They aren’t sexy. They aren’t NORMAL. Yeah, I said it. I don’t care if you get mad at that. Take it from the severe hypochondriac with severe anxiety issues (I can’t even smoke marijuana, you know that? PARANOIA.). It’s not cute. If you sound anything like I do, please for the love of God, go to the doctor and get some help. They’ll do their best to help you, but sometimes the initial treatment does nothing (see you soon, doc!) as I can attest, but they will keep it up until you can get to the day, and breeze through it without an issue.

Or in my case, without thinking you’re having a heart attack. Seriously, I know it’s silly, but in my head I think, “Wait, what if this is the STARTS of a heart attack, and I ignore it, thinking it’s all related to muscles, and my constant leaning, but I am wrong, and it really IS a heart attack!?!?!?! Omg, I should go to the hospital.” Then I’ll pace around the room for thirty minutes, call my mom in a panic, get yelled at by my mom who is now annoyed at me because it’s the tenth time this week I’ve called her upset, thinking I have something major wrong with me.

Help is out there. You don’t have to live like this. The upside is that once you have almost convinced yourself that you’re having a heart attack (nine times), you start trying to be a little healther. I have cut down on the caffeine, cut down on smoking, and started watching my sodium intake. That’s the ONLY upside to hypochondria.