I never claimed to be a nice girl

Today, we (meaning my sock account and a friend) woke up to being blocked by the ex best friend. There, we saw a new profile pic, captioned with a heart, of him standing by a girl who looks like she smells like a dumpster.

Now, I don’t know this girl, nor do I care to get to know her, but honey if you only knew. If you want to, message me. I have screen caps you should see.

So, I lied. I said I wouldn’t speak ill of him, but it’s a given now. Only a coward pulls this type of stunt. You said many times you weren’t a coward. You said many times that you’d never put girls before friends, or do half of the shit you’ve done. I’ve sent messages that get ignored, a letter, that knowing the postal service, hasn’t arrived, but you ignore it. Let me tell you how simple this could have been, but you chose to complicate it.

Going on vacation to see a girl? Tell me. Be honest. Know what I would have said?

“Oh cool, well have fun! We can talk when you get back!”

Or did she feel threatened by me so she made you block me? If that’s the case, I laugh. You are such a coward! Even if this is all your doing, you are still a coward.

Our friendship is over. There is no saving it. There’s nothing that you could do or say to fix this, even if you wanted to, but you don’t. I wish you a happy life, but you don’t have a job, and you live in barely a second world country where jobs aren’t paying well.

Love is more important than money, right? Haha! Only young people say that, because mature people realize bills have to be paid, and if you can’t pay those bills, ain’t nobody happy.

Tommy and Gina may not have backed down, but I promise you they separated in 1997 when Tommy didn’t have another six  string he could pawn. Gina went back home to her mom, and Tommy is probably an alcoholic. (Bon Jovi reference kids. You may not get it. Hell, people my age may not get it)

So Janko,

You ruined this and you don’t even care. Because of that, from this day on, I will no longer think of you, but because of what you did, I’m sure I’ll cross your mind a few times, especially when you are at your lowest points in life, and nobody is there for you, and you need help– I would have been there for you, you know that, but when you are in need, you’ll think of me, and I won’t be there. I’ll cross your mind, and you’ll think, “shit. I need a quick buck. She would have helped me. .”

Lesson of the day kids: cowards,gold diggers. .. they’re the worst types of people. Don’t waste your time on them. Carefully analyze people, so you can recognize them before you let them close to you.

I’ll be back at work full time tomorrow. Yeah, ex best friend, I have a job and a life. Maybe you  will too someday !

May God have mercy on you, even though you’re an atheist. He will. I’m sure of that.

See you in the funny pages!


Storms–literally and figuratively

D-day is fast approaching, and by that I mean decision day. This limbo of not knowing whether JG, affectionately known as my best friend, is my friend or not will come to an end. Due to the time difference, hopefully by tomorrow night, into the early morning of April 1st, I should know something. He’s not a coward, at least I don’t think so, meaning I would expect him to explain this nightmare, however, another friend of mine made something very clear to me.

He said, “you’ve been living your worst nightmare for nearly two weeks, but I wonder if he’s thought of you at all.”

That alone is enough to make me realize I may not be as important to him as he is to me, and that hurts as much as finding out I was blocked. Again, this is all theory and us trying to get answers when right now, we can’t. We must hear from him. If he hadn’t blocked me, I would be bouncing with excitement that he would be back to his home soon, meaning I would get to speak with him like usual, but while I am excited, there’s a lot of apprehension. I’m scared the answer will never come. I’m scared the answer will be that he no longer wants me around.

Its like the moments during a storm warning, when the wind dies down. That moment of calm aka the calm before the storm. Is the storm over, or is it the calm just before a tornado comes barreling into your home, tossing out everything you knew and loved, and destroying things, leaving you to pick up the pieces.

That all falls on the perfect day. Tomorrow, my area is in an enhanced risk for storms, and they are saying it could get rough. With a torcon of 5, not only will there be literal storms, but figuratively as well. 

I pray for the best outcome in both situations.

I should have been a cowboy

Yesterday saw an interesting development. Let me set the stage! About a week ago, my neighbor came to me, to discuss my son being mean to her kids. Firstly, my son has had a bad two weeks, as he was blocked by my friend too. The poor kid really looked up to the guy, and now my son is going to be like his mother with abandonment issues. Oh goody! (April 1st is coming.. . Cross your fingers we hear from him)

Now, normally I would chide my son. Don’t be a jerk, however these kids of hers aren’t angels either. Kids are some of the meanest things to exist. So, she’s talking to me at my door, and I’m responding like I usually do to people I don’t know-short answers, mostly the word, “okay.”

Later on, I found out she called my kid an asshole. Really?  You’re a grown adult. You haven’t any business calling any child an asshole. So, I wasn’t to pleased with her, and I told my kid not to be mean. Case closed, right?

Not exactly. Yesterday, a neighborhood boy pushed her kid, and his bike over, so my son did the right thing, because he saw it all, and went to tell her with two other kids.

The next thing I know, my kid comes home, looking very upset. I try asking and he said something about this mother saying she didn’t like him. However, later her child came over, and explained. Its not my son. It’s me! She told my child that she didn’t like me, while my son was telling her that some boy knocked her kid on his ass.

Why doesn’t she like me, you may ask? Its not that I’m kind of anti social with people I don’t know. It’s not that I jump to conclusions or am slightly crazy like every woman on the planet, oh no, that’s not it.

Its because I am always on my phone, or laptop.

Are you waiting for another reason? Well, you won’t get one, because that’s the reason. Apparently, making ends meet by working like I do, which requires phones, and laptops (new book coming soon) you’re going to spend a lot of time, Ya know, working! According to this woman, I am a bad mom, because I’m on my phone a lot.

I wound up being nice to her child when he told me saying, “well kid, I am not going to have a beef with any neighbors. If she doesn’t like me, fine. I can’t say it bothers me.”

That led the child to ask why I was always on my phone. I explained the book thing, and he understood.

Ya know, I had hoped this move would be good on everyone, but I was wrong. Sanctimommy strikes again. Wait until she hears I feed my kids McDonald’s.

So, I did what any annoyed neighbor would do. I sat outside on my phone for an hour before taking to the Xbox to play Red Dead Redemption. That game is relaxing, and you get to shoot lots of stuff.

I should have been a cowboy.

My break from facebook

When my best friend blocked me, it broke my heart. I cried all night, and off and on for the next few days. I still don’t know why. Then again, he–as far as I know, hasn’t returned from his vacation yet. So, I did what any heartbroken girl would do-sent messages from my sock account, messaged his mother, wrote a letter (did I mention I’m bipolar?)… even one of my friends he has spoken to before took it upon himself to create a Facebook account (he had sworn he wouldn’t ever join the masses there) just to send him a message to find out. Will I ever receive an answer? Have I lost one of the best friends I have ever had? Time will tell, but I have wondered that if he did do it on purpose, and not temporarily but permanently, what could I have done to hurt him so? I helped him, without complaint on anything he needed help with, because I cared. The real kicker in all of this is that I would forgive him, for anything, even if people believe he doesn’t deserve it. I will never speak ill of him, least I don’t think I will, because in spite of everything, he was/is a good guy.

Maybe that is my biggest fault as a person. These past two weeks have been hell on me. I’ve questioned everything and everyone, with no answers in sight, but I would forgive him.

I speak too much of this, but when a person finds a friend that they can connect with, laugh with, never argue, it’s special. He was special. Our friendship was special. You can’t say that about many things in life, but I can say that about our friendship.

This in turn is seeing my own absence from Facebook. I do need less distraction, and to work more, but I think a part of me is afraid I’ll never hear from him again. It hurts, so much more than I could have imagined, and they say time heals everything. Its strange. People are strange. Life is strange.

The oddest part is when I made the announcement that I would be taking a break from Facebook, many people clamored for my phone number, wanting to stay in touch, even though I won’t be gone long, and that made me feel nice. I felt needed for the first time in a while.

Again, I hope he can forgive me, and this will be the last I speak of it, unless by some miracle it was all a mistake.

So my message to you all is, when you find a friend who does everything in their power to help you, and make you happy, hang on to that. No matter what.

And to my friend, I wish you well. I’m also sorry for the dramatics, but that happens when you may lose something important in your life.


Did I mention my book?

My first major book, “Subject Alpha,” is available on Amazon for 99 cents. So far, I have all five star reviews, and while that’s great, there are only four reviews. If anybody is a fan of books, please always leave a review, even if you didn’t much like it. Indie authors need reviews like my teenage son needs an attitude adjustment.

My book fits the romance genre, so if that’s your thing, I’d love for you to give it a read! You can find it here.


Also, I am on Facebook, Twitter, instagram, vk. .. so make sure to look me up there!

Easter Sunday, and I missed mass.

I didn’t lent. I also didn’t get Easter baskets, or cook a ham, or house a get together, or go to mass… I am a bad Catholic. I have had a bad two weeks, then again, God is supposed to instill hope in people, but I fear he gave up on me this week. I assume God is understanding, and is watching me like, “girl, I understand. You get your shit together, then come back and see me.”

Actually, I haven’t celebrated Easter in years. I’m not even sure my kids realize it’s Easter. Don’t tell them, lest I have to run out and grab half off baskets at Wal-Mart once they throw me on a guilt trip over not getting them baskets. They are masters of the guilt trip, as they learned it from me, and I learned the art from Spanish Catholic moms. If you grew up with a Catholic mom, you’ll know what I mean about the guilt trip. They know how to make you feel bad over something that happened before you were born.

“I remember this one time I was pregnant with you and I was craving pizza, but was so nauseated I couldn’t eat it. You did this to me. Why? I loved you so much.”

Its an art that comes in handy, but will be used on you when you least expect it.

And that makes me laugh.